Some of the saddest things in life are those things we do without awareness of the harm they can cause.


I read an article earlier this year about a woman who said she caught herself saying, "I don't mind" 23 times in one day. 

The problem? She actually DID mind. 😱

So why did she keep using these 3 words? She'd numbed herself to her own preferences. She wanted the approval of others. She didn't want to make waves.

Have you ever become so benevolent in a relationship that you wind up losing yourself in the process? (For all you who've taken the Energy Leadership Index Assessment, this is classic Level 3 & Level 4 energy at play.)

I remember a season in my life where I literally couldn't tell you what I wanted - for breakfast, to wear, or even in a job.

This happens to moms, assistants, pastors, new hires, and executives, alike. No one is immune to the potential of using the 3 words "I don't mind" as a tool.

To be fair, saying "I don't mind" can be effective sometimes:

• When the restaurant choice for dinner truly isn't a big deal.

• When you'd be happy to see yellow or blue paint in your kitchen and your spouse has a stronger preference than you do.

• When you want to see a friend so much that you're willing to change your schedule to make it happen based upon her availability.

The dark side of "I don't mind" is when we use it to serve a purpose that does not serve us:

• When we want people to like us more than we want to share our needs.

• When we avoid conflict and play small.

• When we are so tired of making decisions that we ignore our tiredness and passively give in...yet again.
  

Consider your "I don't mind-ness" as a sliding scale.

The next time you're faced with an opportunity to back down or lean in...PAUSE.

Put your phone down. 

Take a deep breath or two.

Then ask yourself:

On a scale of 1-10 (1 being "I have no opinion" and 10 being "I need this to happen a certain way!")...how MUCH do I actually mind?

Once you have a fair rating from 1 to 10, you'll be better able to determine if using the 3 words "I don't mind" truly honors you in this scenario.

If your rating is 7 or higher, I encourage you to use one of my favorite phrases: "That won't work for me."

Try it. It's seriously magical.