Cracking the Code on 3 Decision Making Myths

Listen to Cracking the Code on 3 Decision Making Myths

Well, hello there, friends. Welcome back to another episode of Been There, learned that I am extra energized by recording today's episode because I love to try new things to test them out, and of course, to learn so I can tell you what works, what doesn't work, what I would change. And as I was looking over really the next four or five months of my life, I'll be making I think seven or eight trips during that time. And so I really wanted to refine my approach to recording podcast episodes in places that are not my home office. So today I'm on the road. I am figuring out how to record a podcast episode so I can be consistent in getting content to all of you. So if this episode made it to your ears, I think whatever we're trying worked. So very exciting. If you are an aspiring podcaster or have interest in doing that, send me an email at dana@danabyerscoaching.com.

I would love to share with you the things I'm learning, what's working, what's not working, because it is very fun and rewarding. So my hope would be to encourage you to give it a shot. Okay, well, today we are talking about decision making. If you listen to the podcast episode where I interviewed my husband talking about empowering leadership in Christian marriage, we discussed that decision making happens to be a strength of mine. Of course, every strength can have a little bit of a downside, but I have learned a lot, not only about my enjoyment of decision making, but how to lean into it. And over the years, I of course have had a lot to learn as I've made many decisions. You and I make countless decisions every day. And today I'd like to talk about debunking three myths about decision making. And I wanna talk about this because I have had conversations and coaching sessions with countless women over the years.

And while there are many concerns that come up when she is making decisions, there are three myths that she could run into that keep her from moving forward with confidence. So when we talk about confident decision making, these are three myths that you're going to need to acknowledge and decide what you believe about them in order to be able to go a little bit farther, a little bit faster, but with less hustle, you're also going to have less anxiety in your decision making. If you really take a look at these three myths I wanna talk about today, and you see when people

Hire me, they usually feel stuck. They often think they're getting coached on maybe frustration with a coworker, or maybe they're getting coached on their discouragement in the outcomes of a project they're working on. Or even in raising their kids or in their own self-development, maybe they're struggling to reach a personal goal. And it is true, they're getting coached on those things. They do feel stuck. But often we're coaching around a decision. And when I say we're coaching around a decision, I mean really they're just getting to a point where they're trying to determine what is the right next best step for me to take in these circumstances based upon where I'm at. So yes, of course they're frustrated, they feel stuck. But when we're talking about the decision or the right next action for them to make my role in each session is to show her her thinking, to show her her brain and what it's offering her.

You see, our brains are just basically these amazing, God created supercomputers and they're trying to protect us. And if we let them lead the show, we will become so wrapped up in the thoughts that our brain offers us, that we go along with it. We get tangled and stuck in these thoughts, in these beliefs. And some of the beliefs that get us stuck when we're trying to determine what to do next are the myths that I wanna talk about today. So as I talk about these myths, let's see if maybe God would speak through my words to show you a little bit about the way you are thinking or perceiving your current scenario. So the first myth, myth number one is that decisions are difficult to make. This is a belief that will stop any woman no matter how wise intelligent experience she is. This myth is going to stop her in her tracks if she agrees with her brain, and maybe even the people around her who mean well, but are not helpful, who tell her that decisions are difficult to make.

Now, I'm not saying some decisions aren't more difficult than others. That's absolutely the case. I could choose the type of ice cream I want immediately, but it would take me a little bit longer to determine the next car I want to invest money in. Right? There are different levels of decisions, but they're not necessarily difficult to make. It's our thinking that makes them difficult. We perceive decisions as difficult because of the fear associated with making the decision, the fear with the unknown outcomes. We might be afraid of loss, losing money. We might be afraid of losing, being liked by other people or specific people that we care a lot about. And what we have to do when we're facing this myth is identify our true stakeholders. Our true stakeholders are people who are significantly impacted or involved in the decision that we make. And sometimes we get stuck because we think our true stakeholders are just people who have strong opinions, right?

The people who speak up and say a lot, the squeaky wheels might not actually be the true stakeholders in the decision that you are making. So what you have to do if you're impacted by this myth, is to combine data with wisdom, okay? You've got to have some data, some true radical acceptance, understanding exactly where you're at, exactly what resources you have, exactly what's at risk. But also you need some wisdom. Wisdom from a handful of people. I would encourage you not to seek out a lot of advice. Eventually, too much advice gets us back to that point of being stuck or making it worse. But there might be a handful of people, individuals you could hire, someone you could take to coffee or a friend. You could just call people who could provide you wisdom. And I encourage you to ask God, who might these people be?

It could vary based upon the scenario or the type of decision you're making, but combining that data with wisdom from godly people can give you the clarity to proceed. And the reason it's important to really tackle this myth that decisions are difficult to make is because you are going to get to a point, for example, if we were working together in a coaching session, you're going to get to a point where we make sure that you're not fooling yourself. And what I mean by that is when we're making a decision, we might be overly optimistic, or we might be a little bit too realistic and grounded, and being too realistic or too grounded causes us to dig our heels in and we actually remain stuck. Now, if we're too optimistic or overly optimistic, we might move too quickly and miss out on some data or wisdom to help us move forward with care.

So keep in mind with myth number one, decisions are difficult to make that that is not true unless you allow yourself to believe that you have ways you can navigate that myth to be able to make a decision with confidence. Alright, let's take a look at the second myth. Myth number two is decisions are permanent. Okay? So at the risk of sounding callous or maybe a little gruff, I believe you can leave, stop, or cancel pretty much anything you want to. People do this all the time. Now it's true. Sometimes if you cancel something or leave or stop it, there will be consequences. But it is completely possible for you to look at the decisions that you make as not being permanent. So my clients, some of them have expressed problems with debunking this myth because it would shake their identity. This is the root of why we struggle to accept that our decisions might not be permanent.

And in fact, believing that our decisions are permanent are the things that could cause us to remain more stuck. Of course, you wouldn't wanna take action if you thought you had to do this thing for the rest of your life until Jesus comes back, right? It makes sense that you're putting that pressure on yourself if you believe the myth that decisions are permanent, but people undo or shift their decisions all the time. But the problem is going to be that it might shake your identity if you went back on a decision. And I use that language, went back on a decision, because this is often how women will approach this in a session. She would say something like, I don't wanna be a quitter, or I would never leave. I don't wanna abandon this job. Or, I'm too loyal, I'm too loyal of a person to say no to this individual who's always asking me for help.

And I agree that loyalty is a beautiful quality, but it does look different in different scenarios. Being too loyal could actually indicate a struggle with self regard or setting boundaries or even a lack of purpose. And so I want you to think about this myth that decisions are permanent. I want you to think about that and hold that myth up kind of to the light to see how inaccurate it is, because we are aware of countless businesses who have pivoted their entire approach to the marketplace, or they've dropped what used to be seen as their core product or their core service in order to move forward. And the fact is, when you really kind of unravel this myth, you realize that sometimes you have to pivot from a decision because it was a great solution for a season. It was a great solution for a season, but it is no longer effective.

It no longer serves you, it no longer serves your family, or maybe the organization where you work. And admitting that doesn't actually make you a quitter. It makes you a survivor. The businesses that refuse to pivot, the individuals who refuse to shift and see themselves differently are the ones who bend until they break. But instead of being a quitter, you could be a survivor, you could be resilient, and I don't mean resilient in the sense of grinding your teeth and just barely making it through. I mean, resilient in the sense of having confidence in the shifts that you're making in your decisions and the actions you're taking because you have looked at the data, you have spoken to people who have godly wisdom, and you have not attached your identity to the outcomes of what is happening. So you'll get stuck on myth number two, if your identity is overly attached to your decision.

Let's take a look at myth number three. This one is exciting for me to think about and to try to debunk with you because I think it's gonna give you just at least a little bit of a shift in your mindset. Myth number three is, bad decisions lead to failure. I believe this is a myth about decision making, because in many cases, taking action, even if it's imperfect, action moves you forward in a healthier way than doing nothing. Okay? So what I'm talking about here is taking some action, which is targeted. You've thought about it. You're not just flailing around, but taking imperfect action can move you forward in a healthier way than doing nothing could ever do. And the caveat about this myth is, you know, we're using the word bad here. We are judging a decision. And that's my first problem with this myth.

When I hear someone say that, you know, bad decisions lead to failure, I have a problem with that because who can really say if a decision is truly bad? I believe it comes down to intent. What is the intent behind the decision? That's all you and I can control. And frankly, that's all we are responsible for. We do want outcomes, but at the beginning of an endeavor, our responsibility is to identify the intent and the intended outcomes. Can we control those outcomes? Absolutely not. But that's why we wanna make sure we debunk myth number two, and we recognize we're willing to pivot if the decision didn't work. But my second problem with myth number three, that bad decisions lead to failure. And that's is why I want to debunk this myth. And that is the word failure. Think about it. How do you define failure in your life, in your personal life at work?

Is failure a broken relationship? I had one client who said, failure would be if her business closed its doors. You know, regardless of your opinion or your definition of failure, to some degree, to some degree, the events that we tend to label as failures are actually learning. It's nothing more and nothing less than learning. And I'm not really just trying to play a word game with you here. I'm asking you to consider that failure might just be learning. Failure really happens if we say it's over. If we quit growing. And a side note here, you know, leaving a job or a relationship or moving or things like that, all of which I'm familiar with, I don't view those as failure, and I, I don't say that because I needed to do that to be able to live with myself. I truly don't view them as failure because I'm continuing to grow and learn.

I'm trying to do it in a way that honors God and honors the people I have been partnered with. But also, I'm not gonna stop growing. And a lot of people view ending a season as a failure because maybe some relationships have to shift, or maybe you're not going into the same office every day, or maybe you have to move to a different environment. But really you're adding to your learning experience. You can choose and maintain relationships even if you move forward. So be careful with the word failure and what that looks like to you. You have to define that for yourself. But if we're looking at myth number three, bad decisions lead to failure. One, we're judging decisions as bad, and we're identifying what we think failure would be. Now, the ability to look at our intent, of course, as I said, is super important.

Sometimes things do not go the way we intended for them to go, and that's why we're able to go back and pivot. But I think the capacity to learn is probably why I love decision making. You know, right now, I told you I'm recording this podcast in a whole new, very unique setting to try to get quality audio, but still be able to share my ideas with you to still be able to connect with you this week. And my whole podcast is called Been There, learned that it is a life of iteration, of seeking to be flexible, to balance wisdom from other godly people, wisdom from the experiences and circumstances God has provided me, and also data to see what kind of outcomes we can get. Can we improve the very things we have been called to do by busting that myth of thinking that bad decisions lead to failure. So here are the three myths. Again, I want to list them out for you.

Myth number one is decisions are difficult to make. Myth number

Two is decisions are permanent.

And myth number three is, bad decisions lead to failure.

I wanna ask you, which of those myths challenges you the most? And as you think through your answer, be careful not to judge yourself on that. There's a reason that it's currently more comfortable for you to believe that myth than it is to move forward. But I invite you to consider what it would look like for you to debunk that myth for yourself, not just because the opinions I've shared with you right now, but because of the new thing that God might be trying to do in your life. So if you are still feeling stuck as you think about these myths, I am available to help you. Go to Dana by coaching.com, click on Get Coached and Schedule One Call with me. We could talk through to identify your thinking, to identify your stakeholders, to identify what you need so that you can make a decision with informed confidence. I'm so excited to support you in this journey. I loved getting to talk to you about decision making today. If you have questions or thoughts, email me at dana@danabyerscoaching.com. I'll see you on the next episode.