Uncover Confidence: Boosting Tips for God-Loving Go-Getters

Listen to Uncover Confidence: Boosting Tips for God-Loving Go-Getters

(00:06):

Well, hello there. Welcome back for another episode. This is going to be a really fun one because I think when we talk about confidence, we have an opportunity for breakthrough to happen. And even if you consider yourself a very confident person overall, there might be an area of your life where you're lacking some confidence. I would say that for myself, I'm generally confident it's something I've built and worked a lot on over the years, but there are always areas where I feel some imposter syndrome or a lack of confidence, and that's a hard thing to face. It's not a place that we want to stay in. And what's unique about confidence is it's something that doesn't change unless we talk about it and it's something that we are intentional with. Usually we have to receive some feedback or people make observations about our behaviors that let us know that our lack of confidence is kind of peeking through.

(00:59):

We may not know that it's obvious to other people, and while we never want to judge anyone for it, we do want to help people not get stuck in that downward spiral of a lack of self-confidence. A lack of confidence can be a very pressing issue because it can permeate into every corner of your life and it can start creating chaos first in the way you think and then in your beliefs, and finally in the actions that you're taking. So I want to start with a really quick story, and recently I was at an event here where I live. It was a paid event where we all paid good money to hear a speaker speak. She was a great leader, has some incredible leadership experience, but I had a hard time listening because as she shared, her lack of confidence was really peaking through. And I'm not saying this from a place of judgment.

(01:55):

I'm saying this from a place of compassion. My heart really went out to her because the more she spoke, the more her words revealed. Some unfortunate lies. I really think they're lies that she believes about herself. She would say things such as, I'm just not very organized. I don't even know why you guys asked me to speak today. I'm really not the best person to talk about this, or who knows if you're going to take away anything from what I have to say. I mean, ouch, right? Those were painful things to hear, but clearly she thinks those thoughts about herself to some degree. And let's be honest, you and I have thought those things about ourselves as well. It's difficult when we live in those thoughts all the time, but we've become a little bit used to it. But when other people start seeing our lack of self-confidence, it can make them feel uncomfortable.

(02:52):

They might not have the courage to disagree with us or to give us the feedback on that, but often they might just decide that they don't want to follow us. If we aren't confident in ourselves, why would they follow us? You see, there is no concealer for low confidence. We can't hide it. These are not like dark circles. There's just no concealer for low confidence when it reveals itself in our lives. So I want to come at you today like a good friend who has your back and who is telling you that you've got some lettuce between your teeth, okay? You know what kind of friend that is? Someone who is just going to show up and tell you the truth in love because I think there's a really good chance that your insecurity might be showing, and I would love the opportunity to fix that as soon as possible.

(03:43):

And I want to start by sharing my belief with you, and my belief is that you can create a rock solid. Come at me, Satan laugh in the face of fear, kind of confidence. I really believe that. And this is not confidence where we just tell ourselves we're good enough. That really doesn't hold any water. This is confidence. That of course is based in time spent with God. That is confidence of course, based in feedback from others and confidence that we can base in even some evidence and things that we've already seen God work through in our lives. You see, a lot of women have a surprising response when I tell them that they can create confidence quickly. The response I get, and this is the one that's surprising, is they'll say, well, I'm worried about having too much confidence. Wait, what? Too much confidence?

(04:40):

Is that really what she just said? I'm not kidding you. I hear this a lot, you guys, they're worried about having too much confidence. So let's get really clear on this. If you're having that thought, I want you to know that having a lot of confidence has nothing to do with you becoming arrogant. You're not going to become a person that no one wants to be around because you're prideful and bigheaded. That's not what having too much confidence means. So let's attack that definition first. In fact, I believe that increasing your confidence is going to create about as many problems in your life as having more money would cause for you. So that means none. Just to be clear on this, it's not going to cause you any problems to increase your confidence. I want to make sure that's clear. You see, confidence is a strategic tool that I think we can use every day to serve us in countless ways.

(05:33):

So whether you're having a conversation with a family member, whether you're leading a team of 50 employees, whether you're trying to work out an agreement and negotiate something for a contract on a job that you're having done at your home, confidence is going to be a strategic tool that you can authentically pull out of that tool belt to serve you, which is why it's so important for you to develop it and make sure that any lack of confidence isn't just kind of peeking through. Okay? So when I have coached women on increasing their confidence over the years, I start seeing them do some amazing things. And so in today's episode, I want to share with you some very specific things women have shared with me that they started doing and that this was early evidence that they were authentically increasing their confidence. Okay? So I'm going to go through a list with you of some things that could be evidence in your life or someone else's life.

(06:30):

That confidence is increasing. Here we go. Inviting God to give you an assignment and to boldly agree to do whatever he asks you to do. Asking for help, saying no without going back on what you said, facing a difficult health diagnosis with calm, courage, stopping people pleasing, keeping your work laptop closed on the weekends, negotiating with your spouse and your kids to get more support at home with chores, disagreeing with your boss and not apologizing for bringing your opinion, regaining control of your time, making time to prepare healthy meals so that you have some energy keeping regular haircut appointments on your calendar. Side note, I know that sounds oddly specific and real, but it really was for this woman. She was failing to get haircuts regularly and it started to annoy her, but she was afraid to speak up and ask to ask for the time off work to do it whenever she had some time.

(07:51):

So that was a sign of confidence for her. Here's some more examples. When a woman knew her worth down to her very bones, even in someone important to her, didn't affirm or appreciate her performance at work, identifying your core fear and putting it in its proper place so that it no longer has control over you. Making decisions like a champ without ruminating over the decision that you made, setting clear expectations for others so that you feel a sense of disappointment less often, taking regular time off work. That is a big one. Use up that PTO, okay, and inspiring others around you by a deeper sense of peace regardless of your circumstances. Oh my goodness, I love this list. They're so empowering to look at specific examples that women have given from their lives of how they have seen their confidence increase how God is working in them through them and around them to increase the level of confidence, which again, is not arrogance.

(09:01):

When you show up confident people want to follow you, they have a greater trust in you, and you are able to bring a sense of calm wherever you're leading, at home, at work, and your family where you volunteer, maybe at your church. So that's why I say whenever we have a lack of confidence, it can kind of show up like dark circles under our eyes, but there's no concealer for low confidence. So I want you to take these examples today as examples that you can claim for yourself. I want you to confess to God. If you're struggling with your confidence in some area, ask him to reveal to you either through the feedback of a trusted person or just your own observation. Ask him to reveal to you where you're lacking confidence, where maybe you don't agree with him about how capable and wonderful you are in any area of your life.

(09:53):

Then ask him to show you the evidence of how your confidence is increasing. If you struggle to look at this solely for yourself, I'm saying this because a lot of women will say, I do want to be more confident, but that feels selfish. So if you are in that camp, if you're feeling that it's selfish to work on increasing your confidence, I want you to do it for the people around you. How incredible would it be for your spouse or your children or your leader or your direct reports at work? How wonderful would it be for them to see an increase, an uptick in your confidence so that they have a greater experience of working and partnering with you, and then they can draw from your confidence and grow their own as well? It is such an incredible contagious activity for those of us who focus on our confidence to not become prideful, but to ask God to help us become more confident in what we do so that those around us, it becomes contagious and they're infected with that desire to have a greater sense of confidence in themselves so that they can focus more on the people they're serving and less on how they might be appearing or coming across.

(11:07):

All right, everyone. Thank you so much for joining me for today's episode on confidence. I am confident that you're going to be able to start looking for some evidence in your life of ways that God is working in you, through you and around you to increase your sense of self-confidence not to become prideful, but to become increasingly competent in all the places he has you, using your gifts to serve him and to serve others. So glad you joined me today. I'll see you again soon on another episode.