Listen to Dodging Coaching? Unveil the Truths Behind Women's Avoidance

(00:05):

Well, hello everyone. Welcome back for another episode of Been There, learned that my vision with this podcast is to bring you episodes of things that I've learned in my varied career experiences and my life experiences as a wife and a mom, and all kinds of amazing things that God has given me the opportunity to do over the decades of my life. So today I want to share with you some observations I've made about why people avoid coaching. And these are things I've learned from my own experience as someone who's hired coaches with various success rates, some successful, some less successful experiences, and also after hundreds of hours of conversations with potential clients, people who hired me, people who didn't hire me. Feedback I've received. Just want to kind of pull back the curtain a little bit to give you kind of an understanding about maybe some thoughts you might be having about coaching and what that means.

(01:11):

So when we think about coaching and I talk to people about it, it's not unusual for a person to tell me that they have one of three objections about being coached. One of the objections I often hear about is time. It's interesting to me because with each passing year of life, it has become so true to me that time really is money. And sometimes based upon your net worth, you might not want to give a lot of time to something, but you'd be willing to give it more money. And there of course, were seasons in my life in younger years where I didn't have much money, but I had more time. So I've discovered in my own coaching practice and with many peers of mine who are coaches as well, that we try to give offers where a potential client might need to spend some time with us, an hour long coaching call or something like that, but also that they could listen to things such like this free podcast or maybe courses that we offer that they could listen to those on their own time maybe when they're working out or maybe when they're driving their work commute or while the kids are at sleep at night, they could do an online course or something like that just at a time that works for them because time is so valuable.

(02:36):

So that's one objection sometimes to a person who's not quite sure they want to hire a coach or why they're avoiding coaching. Another example that I often hear is, as I already mentioned, money that makes complete sense. Coaches these days have quite varied pricing structures. If you've looked into it at all, I'm sure you've seen how significant they are. You might work with a coach from anywhere to $50 an hour to a thousand dollars an hour, and that would depend on the industry you're in. That would depend possibly on their certifications, but it would also depend on maybe the experience you've already had with coaching. People who've never been coached tend to be willing to spend less money because they maybe aren't aware of the potential transformation they'll experience and they realize they may not want to put a lot of money towards it because they're not sure it's going to bring them the value that they anticipate it would bring.

(03:43):

So that makes complete sense. That's another objection I sometimes hear. And then the third objection, this one's very interesting, but I really want to make sure I point it out here because it might've crossed your mind before. And this objection would be related to status. So that would mean someone who is really avoiding the idea of coaching is concerned that what if I invest money or invest this time and I fail, and what if other people see me fail like the coach? Or what will people think if I tell them I'm getting coached? Am I going to look stupid or I dunno how to do my job? I had someone say to me, she asked the question very authentically, and I appreciated that. She felt comfortable enough with me to ask, but she was like, is hiring a coach something that only privilege people do?

(04:33):

And I remember telling her that's something that she will have to answer for herself, but for me, I didn't believe hiring a coach is something that only privilege people do. Just because back when my family was struggling financially was when I hired my first coach, I actually sold some things. I waited a few months before I was able to hire the coach. I asked for some money for my birthday, I asked for some money for a Christmas gift. And between selling things, cutting out my clothing budget and getting some money for holidays, that is what allowed me to hire my first coach. Was I very privileged at that point? Maybe, maybe not, but it certainly was a stretch for me and it was something I fought to make happen. So we might struggle with seeing ourselves as being a person of status who either deserves a coach or maybe we would feel silly or foolish for hiring a coach because it would just indicate that maybe we didn't know what we were doing or that we needed help.

(05:36):

Okay, so those are three objections that I often hear from people if they're not interested in coaching or they're kind of avoiding or dancing around the decision of whether or not they want to hire a coach. But now I want to tell you what really keeps people from hiring a coach, okay? This is just bare bones right down to the root why people don't hire coaches. One, they don't believe in the solution or the product of coaching. So whether it was a specific course or a plan of action that the coach takes is they just have doubt in the coach's ability to provide a solution for them. Or they might even just holistically not believe in coaching. They've heard some tough stories of friends who've hired someone, decided it wasn't a value, and that's something that has frustrated them. So they're hesitant to hire a coach because of that.

(06:34):

In fact, I just had a call with a new client today and it was so encouraging, but she said to me, I hired a coach before I met with her in three sessions, and she really didn't give me the empathy or the clarity that I got from you in just one session. And I so appreciated that feedback. Not because the other person is necessarily a bad coach, and not because I'm the best coach because I'm not, but because this new client was saying, I actually believe in the solution that you're bringing. I've tried it a few times, it didn't work out, but now I can see that coaching absolutely can work. But that leads into the second reason, the second true reason why people often are hesitant to get coaching, and that is belief in the coach. So this new client believed enough in me to give me a chance to pay for a session and to kind of kick the tires on it and see what happened, but she had to have belief in me.

(07:30):

And a lot of times when we are hiring a coach, whether it's me or anyone else, you're looking for a connection. I'll be honest with you, when I purchase courses to learn about things, I don't worry so much about whether or not I feel connected to the individual. In fact, I've purchased some courses that have been helpful to me where I really don't connect to or particularly enjoy the person that is doing the training, but I value the information they have. I believe in the solution or the product, but I maybe don't connect to them. Well, a connection is very important in coaching. Coaching conversations are confidential if you're working with a certified coach who adheres to ethical standards. So when I work with clients, I'm trying to provide an environment that really allows them to feel free enough to share all the things so that we get to the root of the actual improvement in solutions that they want.

(08:22):

So when people are experiencing objections with hiring a coach, that can be a really big one. I wouldn't want someone to hire me who doesn't believe in my capacity or doesn't feel connected to me as a person. And then the third reason that is the real, honest, authentic, true reason why many people avoid coaching is they lack belief in themselves. And this is probably the hardest thing about what I've discovered in my coaching business, you guys, and that is that I couldn't make a person believe that they're capable of something. But I can, through my training and through prayer and preparation and all the life experience I have, I can show up to sessions with belief in them and the correct questions to help them believe in their capacity with God's help to make the achievements they want to achieve, to shift the habits they want to shift, to bring about the change or accomplish the things they believe God is calling them to do.

(09:26):

And so that is often a reason why understandably people have an objection to coaching because they doubt themselves. And I'll tell you what, in a coaching relationship, like for example, I work with a coach, I show up some weeks and I've had a great week, other weeks, it's like, gosh, I feel like I just took two steps backwards. And that is completely fine because the process of working with a coach is developing belief in yourself, developing belief in your capacity, inviting God in to an area that we want to see change in inviting a coach in into an area where we would like to believe more that things could improve. And so those three areas, a lack of belief in the solution or the product, and just a lack of belief in general about coaching or a lack of belief in the coach, not really connecting with them as an individual and feeling like maybe they don't understand your scenario or thirdly, a lack of belief in yourself.

(10:28):

Those could be three reasons that you're hesitant to work with a coach. Now, hear me say that's been my experience when I talk to individuals about coaching, but I don't mean this episode so much to be a sales pitch, as to be an opportunity for you to hear. I've been there and learned that I've observed these things, and I want you to look for pieces of you, thoughts of you that might be present in those areas. You might be saying, I don't have the time or the money, or it conflicts with my status, the way I see myself. If I were to hire a coach, but actually I would argue there's a chance that you just might not believe yet in the capacity of what coaching with a godly person could do, you might not connect yet with the right coach. Or finally, you might not believe in yourself.

(11:20):

And that's really what I want to hone in on. If you're doubting your capacity to change, your capacity to bring about a major shift or a transformation in your life with the help of a coach, and with God's help, I just want to lovingly challenge that. I think there is no limit to what you and I can do when we seek out the support that we need in the right time and season. When we invest our time and our money and we forget about our status and focus instead on what God could possibly do in us and through us, we are planting seeds not only for current change in the moment, but also for generational change. If you have questions, if you want to learn more about what coaching is like, if you want to learn more about me, I invite you to go to Dana by coaching.com. Check out my website, the offers that I have available right now, or drop me an email me at dana@danabuyerscoaching.com. You will hear back from me, not from an assistant. I would love to connect with you to answer your questions and to help you move forward. If you're struggling to believe in the capacity of what coaching could do for you, reach out and I would love to chat with you about it. Alright guys, thanks for another fun conversation in today's episode. I'll see you again really soon.