Listen to Empowerment in Self-Care: Unlocking Your Best Self

00:04 

Hey there and welcome. Are you a woman who is unapologetically ambitious, but you're also deeply focused on honoring God, loving your family well and pursuing meaningful work? Well, you've come to the right place. My name is Dana Byers and you and I are going to be fast friends. Let's get started. Before we get started today, I wanna take just a moment to share with you a quote from one of my clients. She said, Dana's coaching revealed barriers that were affecting my personal and professional growth. She taught me how to find paths toward my goals and how to reframe my thinking to see breakthrough. The results have been transformational. Those are Amanda's words. And Amanda, I am so proud of you. If you'd like to learn about what it looks like to work with me, go to Dana by coaching.com/get coached.  

 

01:05 

Well, hey there everyone. Welcome back to another episode of Been There. Learned that today you and I are going to dive into a crucial topic. This is very crucial, especially for all of the busy Christian working women out there who are listening to this and this topic is self-care. Now, I already need to make a caveat before we really get anywhere, and that is that many of my clients, when we talk about self-care, they immediately go to a place of guilt. They experience shame for not taking care of themselves. It's easy for them to compare themselves to other women and maybe how they feel they have fallen behind, or maybe they feel some sort of spiritual guilt for not honoring their bodies the way that they believe that they should. You know, I don't really love that word should, but that's what I hear when we talk about self-care in these sessions.  

 

02:00 

And the fact is, in our fast paced lives, self-care often takes a backseat, especially because self-care involves a lot of things that aren't going to be flashing red lights on your dashboard of life. They will not be flashing red lights until maybe something goes wrong and you realize, oh my gosh, I've been out of gas for a long time. So it is essential to maintain your physical and mental wellbeing through self-care, but none of us is perfect at it. That's not actually the goal. What I'm going to do is kind of define self-care for you in a way that I hope is light and easy, that gives you a sense of abundance as you approach trying to include it in your life. Instead of having to make massive changes in your life. I'm gonna share with you four main areas that self-care could be involved in your life.  

 

02:56 

And then we're gonna coach a little bit on it so that you walk away from today's episode, hopefully not with a sense of guilt, but with some clarity on a thing or two that you could try that would actually get you the most traction in the sense that you are caring for yourself and you can feel the benefits from it, but you're also not having to make massive changes. Okay, so when I mention self-care, I'm not necessarily talking about a spa day or vacations or anything like that. Your self-care could look entirely different from other people's approaches. Your best friend or your sister, or your mom, or your neighbor or your daughter might have a very different approach, and we celebrate that for them. But we wanna find the thing that is impactful for you. If you have been involved in my coaching practice at all, or listened to maybe a few of my podcast episodes, you've heard about two kinds of energy.  

 

03:50 

There's catabolic energy and anabolic energy. Catabolic energy is something that breaks something down. It kind of tears it down. It pokes a hole in something and drains the energy out of it. Anabolic energy is something that brings life, it brings oxygen. It really brings sort of an energy to your life. So when we talk about self-care, there will be some things that you know, other women do that when you just think about that thing, it starts draining you. You're like, you know what? Triathlon or running an hour a day, that does not sound like good self-care to me. Okay, that's fine. No judgment there. So I want you to be listening along thinking of what would be anabolic, what would be life giving, what would be helpful to you and not draining as you consider self-care? And I wanna give us kind of a working definition of self-care that I came up with.  

 

04:46 

This is one I like to use with my clients, and it's the idea of nothing more, but nothing less than knowing what you need and providing it for yourself, knowing what you need and providing it for yourself. It's having your own back. It's making a priority to meet those needs and not feeling frustrated that you have those needs. Not being hard on yourself about it so that resentment does not grow in your relationships or in your work. Because what happens is a very common story with those of us who are ambitious women. We love Jesus, we're trying to follow him. We are loving our lives, we love our families, we love the work we do, but we will go for a short season, long season, doesn't matter. We'll go for a season of time and pause the self-care that is anabolic for us. And our lives start becoming catabolic.  

 

05:48 

Our relationships start becoming catabolic. We poke a hole in the the shell, if you will, of our lives and the energy and the joy and all of those things start draining out. So I wanna talk about some signs that a woman truly takes care of herself. We're gonna explore some various indicators that would show a woman is prioritizing her health and her wellbeing. So first we're gonna talk about the first of four areas, and that is your physical health. In our area of physical health, self-care could look like one area would be regular exercise. And already, if you're thinking, okay, Dana, I'm out, stick with me on this. You know, one of the most apparent signs that a woman takes care of herself is regular exercise. What I did not say is she has a body that won't quit. I did not say she is a size four, she is 120 pounds.  

 

06:47 

I didn't say that at all. Women can be healthy at all sizes just by finding ways to exercise regularly in a way that honors our body and gives us perhaps fresh air, the opportunity to move, the opportunity to pump blood through our bodies and step away from work so that our brains can engage in a different way. So whether that's going for a walk, maybe you're doing yoga at home, whatever it is, physical activity is crucial. And you see busy Christian working women like my clients, they often find creative ways to incorporate exercise into their daily routines whenever they're focused on self-care. You know, it might just be little things like, oh, I wanna take the stairs, or I wanna be at a standing desk, maybe doing a quick workout or a little walk and talk during a lunch break. And I love to think about this not from a point of shame or putting should on someone, but remembering that our bodies are the temple of the Holy Spirit.  

 

07:47 

We read that in First Corinthians chapter six. If we follow Jesus, we carry the Holy Spirit. So taking care of our bodies honors God, but it also honors us. It gives us the opportunity when we care for ourselves in this way, to support ourselves so that we can show up in healthy ways regardless of what circumstances we face. So in the area of physical health, there's regular exercise. Another form of self-care is approaching our diet in a healthy way. And I wanna be really careful with this as well. You know, I have worked with women and had women close to me whom I love dearly, who have struggled with various eating disorders. And so what I'm not saying here is what you should or should not do. I am not a doctor, and I want you to be careful in hearing this. I'm not encouraging you to diet at all.  

 

08:35 

You know, diet is like a verb. In Western culture, we're always, you know, maybe cutting calories, cutting carbs, things like that. That's not what I'm talking about. I'm just talking about the word diet in general, like the food that we consume. What is our diet? It's a significant indicator. You know, women who take care of themselves, we are mindful about our nutritional intake. It doesn't mean we are a certain size. It doesn't mean we have a certain amount of calories, or I eat this many carbs and this much protein and this much fat. Instead, we can think about opting for whole foods over processed foods and ensuring that we are consuming an adequate amount of those things that we need. The healthy fats, the proteins, fruits and vegetables. Are we hydrating our bodies? That's a very common thing when I talk about self-care with clients.  

 

09:21 

One of the first things a woman says to me is, you know what? I'm just gonna very, at least keep a big cup of water at my desk and keep drinking that throughout the day. That's something I try to do. And we just find that we are supporting ourselves having self-care by keeping ourselves hydrated. And another way that women engage in this is, you know, doing things like meal prep maybe on the weekends. So it's a lifesaver for them during the busy week or getting their kids lunches planned out for during the week whenever their kids are in school. Any way that we can keep nutritious, generally nutritious food coming into our bodies throughout the week is helpful. And any way that we avoid using food as a way to avoid processing emotions or way to avoid processing stress, that means that we're able to be fully present, nourished, and to show up for the things that come our way because our bodies deserve the best fuel.  

 

10:17 

Now, if you have a pet or a child or a loved one that you care for, you probably want to provide healthy food for them. You want to see them eating nutritious food. What's interesting, and I include myself in this example, a lot of women, we think, oh, I'll just get bio whatever, no big deal. I'll have a handful of pretzels here. I'm gonna have a drink over here. You know, I have a diet soda, have a whatever. And we tend to think that we are benevolently putting ourselves behind everyone else that that's what we should do. But I would argue that we deserve great fuel as well. You know, one of my friends told me that she focuses on eating well 85 to 90% of the time. So what she did is she figured out, okay, here's how many meals I eat in a week, 90% of those meals, and she figures out that number.  

 

11:10 

Those are going to be generally healthy, but that means, you know, maybe three or four of her meals a week, she's not really super concerned about nutrition. And that gives her a great sense of freedom. And you know, I think another example I had a client say to me is that she said, you know, there are some foods and drinks that if I consume them, I don't feel well or I don't sleep well. So she really just came to the conclusion that she's going to generally never do that, but maybe on occasion, because she's aware of how different foods and drinks feel in her body. So if you are trying to figure out what you want to do, you could decide, okay, I'm just gonna pause my meal and see how full I am before I clean the plate. Now finish your meal if you're still hungry.  

 

11:55 

But if not, you might be able to consider it Self-care to recognize that you're just mindful of what is going into your body. One thing that happened to me recently was I was traveling and I was gone for about five days, and on day three I went, man, I just feel a little bit more tired this morning than usual. And I thought, you know what? I really haven't had any fresh fruit for a few days. So it was as simple as picking up a banana, having a banana at my next meal, and moving forward with my life, right? It didn't require a massive change, it was just a moment of awareness that helped me take care of myself. And I wanna point this out to you. This does not need to be rigid. I want you to think about self-care being light and easy, a way that you serve and support yourself.  

 

12:39 

Okay, one more area in, or one more element of the area of physical health as part of self-care is the notion of having your re your regular medical checkups. Regular medical checkups are essential for catching any potential health issues early on. You know, I talk to my clients about this, and a lot of my clients have life insurance. They're very aware that if you know they're married and they're a mom of young kids, if they were to pass away, their family, of course, would desperately miss them just because they love them. But more than that, they would also have a massive hole to fill in their family. So we might have life insurance, but we aren't focused on having regular medical checkups. Why is that? That's a little bit of a discrepancy there, right? So I'm pointing that out in case that's you. No judgment.  

 

13:30 

But ask yourself, Hey, why am I willing to recognize the value I provide my family? But I'm not looking at the short term. Can I have annual checkups? Do I have dental checkups, necessary screenings, the things that I need to have just to stay on top of any potential concerns? Now, I assure that not to be a point of anxiety, but because we want to be proactive, a proactive approach to self-care helps us in maintaining the our long-term health and wellbeing, giving you greater mind space, better head space to enjoy your life and to fulfill the opportunities that God has given you to do. Okay? So that was the first area of self-care, that's physical health. Next we're gonna look at mental health. So in mental health we talk about stress management. You know, busy Christian women, they're often juggling multiple responsibilities at work and home.  

 

14:26 

You know, as I was preparing kind of an outline for this episode, I had to laugh at myself a little bit and think about some of my clients who, you know, they have kind of a broad general job title, but let's be honest, they're probably working maybe potentially two or three different roles in the organization or the small business or the church that they are employed. So they're wearing a lot of hats, juggling multiple responsibilities. So effective stress management involves, you know, self-care. Things such as making time for prayer to be able to have deep breathing exercises to relax or have hobbies that are completely disengaged from your work, maybe reading a book or gardening. These are all signs that a woman is taking care of her mental health and that she values herself and she employs self-care. You know, these are activities that can really help reduce stress levels and improve your overall mental wellbeing.  

 

15:21 

Another area of mental health besides stress management you could focus on is the idea of it's not really earth shattering, but a lot of people aren't interested in it. And that is adequate sleep. Now, if you have a newborn, this is a ridiculous suggestion. I recognize that right now you're in a season where it's not super likely you're going to get adequate sleep. You are doing your best to get any sleep, but generally sleep is crucial for your physical and your mental health. So we talked about physical health earlier, but I put it in this mental health category because women who are focused on self-care are going to do their best to ensure they can get adequate sleep every night. They understand that quality sleep helps in rejuvenating their minds and their bodies, and it makes them more productive and focused during the day. We can trust in God's provision, we can let go of our worries in order to rest.  

 

16:20 

Well, for me, when I have had times in my life where I have not been focused on adequate sleep, sure enough, I may put my head on the pillow, but I struggle to fall asleep. And that is because I am very focused on things that are God's business. You hear what I'm saying? I'm very focused on things that I want to control or change that are not my business to control or change. And I think God lovingly in those moments awaits us to surrender it to him, to hand it over to him, in my case multiple times and go to sleep. It is an act of the will to allow yourself to get adequate sleep in faith that when you wake up in the morning, things may or may not have changed, but you will at least be better rested to face whatever awaits you.  

 

17:14 

Okay? One other area of mental health that I wanna talk about, I wanna talk about loosely is setting boundaries. Setting boundaries is a critical aspect of self-care. Women who take care of themselves know when to say no to additional responsibilities that could overwhelm them. I don't know about you, but I remember a few moments in my life where I heard myself saying yes to something that I knew was not wise to say yes to. Sometimes we feel guilty about prioritizing our own needs, but I think we have a great example in Jesus. We see, I think it's in Luke chapter five, Jesus often withdrew to lonely places to pray. He showed us the importance. He gave us the example of setting boundaries to recharge. Setting boundaries to recharge is a beautiful example of self-care. And again, that has nothing to do with, you know, having to go get your nails done or take a vacation or have a girl's weekend or anything like that.  

 

18:17 

Those are all wonderful things. But things like these examples I'm sharing with you right now, I believe are the things that in my life, and of course in my clients' lives they've shared, are true self-care actions that have set them up for wins and have caused them to feel more supported and less resentful in every season of their lives. All right, the next area of self-care that we're gonna talk about, the third area is emotional wellbeing. One area of self-care I love to think about is having and focusing on your positive relationships, your positive relationships with your family and friends, maintaining those, nurturing those that is vital for your emotional wellbeing. I don't know if you think about it as a form of self-care, but like for me, when I have dinner or coffee with my girlfriends, or when Chris and I see our friends on Sunday night at our small group, I feel like I am giving myself a supplement, a dose of something that I need their company, their encouragement, that laughter, that time to pray together.  

 

19:28 

It is giving me the opportunity to invest my time in nurturing those relationships. It is a win-win scenario. I think they're winning. As I show up and I'm present with them, I'm certainly winning as I show up and just receive from the joy of those relationships. And we understand that having a strong support system can make our life's challenges more manageable. You know, we aren't promised a life without challenges, but God has given us community to make life more manageable. If you are struggling with community, go back a couple months ago, let's see, maybe it was May or June, I had an episode about how to build some community that would be a beautiful way for you to bring self-care into your life and to support other people around you as well. In Proverbs 1717, we read that a friend loves at all times and investing in these relationships really is a reflection of Christ's love.  

 

20:26 

He gave us friends to be able to learn and grow and support each other. So you are showing yourself love for yourself when you make time for key beneficial relationships in your life. Okay, another area of emotional wellbeing is self-reflection. Self-reflection, I think is a beautiful form of self-care. After I pray in the morning, it's not unusual for me to go through one or two kind of coaching thought download exercises. And it's a way that we can take care of ourselves emotionally to reflect on our thoughts and our feelings and to help us understand ourselves better, to make informed decisions. And it makes me think about in Psalm 1 39, I think it's it's verse 23 or 24, where we are encouraged to invite God into that process, to ask God to search our hearts. So in my online course, the 10 hour confidence transformation, I teach you a very specific, effective, and yet simple coaching tool that you can use.  

 

21:27 

It's the one I use many days. You can use it on yourself every day to coach yourself through processing the thoughts and feelings that come your way. Because after you've spent time in God's word, after you've had an opportunity to pray and connect with him, you might recognize, oh, I noticed that I'm feeling stressed about something. And you can invite God into that process and bring some awareness to how things are feeling through this self-reflection so that you're better able to face your day. Alright, one more area of emotional wellbeing that I wanna bring up that I think is great self-care. And that is seeking professional help when it's needed. You may or may not agree with me, but I wanna make the very clear statement here that I believe there is no shame in seeking professional help when you need it. Women who prioritize their emotional wellbeing are not afraid to consult a therapist or a counselor or a coach or someone if they're feeling overwhelmed or stressed out.  

 

22:26 

So for clarity's sake, a counselor or a therapist that is not me, I'm a certified life coach, a counselor or a therapist, helps a person look at things in their past, how they've impacted them, to help them process those appropriately so they can function in the present better. As a life coach, you and I look at where you are today, and we talk about shifts we could make, we bring some clarity to your habits and your beliefs and how we can bring development there so that you're able to impact positively your future so that you're able to make shifts and changes moving forward. So, like I said, a life coach like me, I'm not a therapist, but you might want to hire a therapist or a counselor. You might want to hire me or a coach like me, or you know, some people have said to me, you know, Dana, I have, I would like to go ahead and have some sessions with you so that I can reach out to you whenever the going gets tough.  

 

23:23 

I do this with my coach so that I have the support I need whenever the going gets tough. Because it will, if you have a counselor, if you have a coach, if you have that person in your corner bringing you the support you need, you will not experience as significant of a struggle as you might have had you let the difficulty or the stress continue for a much longer time. All right, now we're gonna look at the fourth and final area of self-care. And that would be personal development. In personal development. I think it's very fun to think about it as self-care because it's kind of energizing. When I talk to clients about this, they're like, oh, this is fun to think about. Maybe learning something new or focusing on something, focusing on a goal. It gets them moving towards action, but focusing on it in such a way that it provides self-care instead of burnout.  

 

24:15 

And we have to be really careful about this, but some ways we could focus on personal development as a means of self-care would be to be open to creating a life where you are continuously learning. Continuous learning is an excellent indicator that a woman values her personal development. So the busy women, the I coach, they're often enrolling themselves in maybe an online course or attending a workshop. They're reading books, they're going through book discussions with their friends, their teams, they, one of my clients said recently, she's reading a book related to a field of interest for her and a career that she might want to step into in the next couple years down the road. It just keeps her engaged, kind of updated on things, but also motivated and inspired for what might happen in the future and how she can apply what she's learning there today.  

 

25:05 

Alright, and then the other area of personal development that is a beautiful approach to self-care is goal setting. And I wanna be careful as I talk about this as well, because I think a lot of high achievers think about goal setting and they are willing to grind themselves, you know, burn themselves out to achieve something. And that's not what I'm talking about. I'm talking about setting personal or professional goals that shows that you're focused on your growth and development, but you allow the goals to provide, let's say the goals provide you direction and purpose, but it's not the end of the world if it doesn't turn out exactly like you intended. You value, perhaps like I do. This is one of the reasons I named my podcast. Been there, learned that you value the experience of learning and what, what God brings to your awareness, the things that you experience that you can share with others, you learn to value that as much as if not more than actually achieving the goal.  

 

26:03 

And see goals help you stay motivated even during a challenging time. So setting a goal, as long as you're not approaching it from a place of hustle, it helps you get aligned and stay aligned with God's purpose for your life. And it can also bring accountability to how you are spending your time and how you are living your life. So I love talking to my clients in our one-on-one sessions about goal setting because we can really take their personal values and align them in a way where moving towards these goals actually feel like self-care instead of burning herself out. Okay, well, we've talked about these four areas of self-care, physical health, mental health, emotional wellbeing, and personal development. So let's coach on this for a moment. Okay. First I wanna ask you, which of these four areas of your life could use the most attention right now when it comes to self-care, your physical health, mental health, emotional wellbeing, or your personal development?  

 

27:05 

Which of those four areas could use the most attention right now when it comes to your self-care? And now that you know the one of four areas that you'd like to focus on, I wanna ask you, what is one low cost, high impact, low cost, high impact, self-care activity that you could try? You're just gonna make an attempt here. You don't have to change the world, you don't have to change everything. Okay? Find one low cost, high impact self-care activity that you could try to incorporate into your week this week to better support yourself in this area of self care. Okay, so in conclusion, I want you to think about how there are going to be numerous signs indicating whether women prioritize their own wellbeing from maintaining, you know, physical health through regular exercise and considering the food and drinks that they're putting into their bodies.  

 

28:08 

Managing stress effectively, using various techniques that are effective for you, ensuring they're getting adequate sleep, setting healthy boundaries, nurturing positive relationships, engaging in continuous learning and goal setting activities. Those are all examples. Those are all signs that indicate that we prioritize our own wellbeing, they indicate our love for God, our appreciation for being the temple of the Holy Spirit. And they also indicate a focus on self-care. So for many busy Christian working women, especially if they're trying to incorporate all of these practices into their daily life, it can seem daunting initially, but ultimately, you can take baby steps a little bit over time is going to lead you to a healthier, happier life overall. It's going to give you an opportunity to have richer relationships, to draw closer to God, to have a deeper sense of peace and purpose in your life. Remember, self-care is not selfish. It is essential for serving God and serving others effectively. Take care of yourself so you can be your best in all of the roles that God has called you to. So until next week, take care. Hey lady, are you looking for some inspiration? Check out my blog for insights on leadership decision making, your career money and more. It is a treasure trove of knowledge and ideas that is waiting for you. And I update it every week. Dive in now@danabycoaching.com. Let's explore together.