But First, You Shrink

Have you ever felt that you're shrinking?

I sure have.

In 2008 I felt like I was becoming a worse mom - easily angered and struggling to just sit and play, less able to enjoy quiet moments with my kids.

In 1999, I accepted my first "big girl" job in social work and felt I was invisible among the many seasoned leaders around me who knew the ropes and had multiple connections in my city.

In 1995 I was the new girl in town, having just moved from a rural area and feeling as small as an ant while auditioning to be the drum major for a large marching band.

Sahil Bloom calls this the Shrinking Paradox.

You and I sometimes get smaller before we can grow.

It feels like we're moving backwards or failing, but it's for our own good.

The experience of this paradox does its work in us.

For me, God used these experiences to remind me that I could use my passion for music and rhythm to lead a lot of people in the high school band I'd never met before if I had courage and sought help.

He showed me that it would only be a matter of time before others noticed my newness in the industry and took me under their wings to introduce me to people in the social services network who could help the clients in my new job.

God lovingly showed me that He loves my kids even more than I do, and I could calm the heck down to worry less and control things less. He cared for me as I cared for them.

So today's little email goes out to those of you - my email list friends on the other side of my computer screen - who are feeling that you're losing ground today.

Perhaps all signs point to you being even less capable than you'd thought you were.

Rest in your incapacity. Admit the gap. Invite God into it. Let Him provide for you.

First, you've got to shink.

One day, you'll look back and see that you've grown.