Sprinkle Fun to Defeat Stress

Listen to Sprinkle Fun to Defeat Stress

00:04 

Hey there, and welcome. Are you a woman who is unapologetically ambitious, but you're also deeply focused on honoring God, loving your family well, and pursuing meaningful work? Well, you've come to the right place. My name is Dana Byers and you and I are going to be fast friends. Let's get started. Before we get started today, I wanna take just a moment to share with you a client testimonial. She said, I cannot begin to describe the amount of self-awareness our sessions have brought to my life. Emily, thank you so much for sharing these lovely words. It is so rewarding walking along with you in each of our sessions. If you'd like to learn more about what it looks like to work with me, go to dana byers coaching.com/get coached.  

00:58 

Hey there everyone. Welcome to another episode of Been There, learned that This is Dana by I am a certified life coach. I specifically coach Christian working women. My clients are in all sorts of industries, nonprofit, church or ministry settings, their corporate executives, and they might even own their own business. Just like me. I love partnering with women to help them invite, invite God into their stressful lives and to experience authentic energy, you know, energy that helps them enjoy their lives, that helps them set proper boundaries, that helps them achieve goals that they long to without burning out. And that's why it's so important to talk about what I wanna share with you today, and that is talking about an antidote to chronic stress for high achieving women. You see, chronic stress is a hidden disease for many women starting at age 30 and beyond. Chronic stress can impact us by physical symptoms, you know, inflammation in our bodies, tension, headaches, high blood pressure, obesity, and even an increase in our heart rate.  

02:06 

And of course, some of the physical symptoms are, are things that we are experiencing can be directly impacted by our heredity. Others can be positively influenced or improved by our habits. So that is to say we can't control 100%, but I want you to feel pretty empowered to make an impact on your health so that chronic stress doesn't take over your life. And here's why I wanna talk about this, because one of the easiest habits for us to drop when life gets busy or serious or difficult is fun. You see, I believe if you're listening to this, there used to be a day when fun came easily to you. I believe fun used to be second nature to you. I have such sweet memories of hopping on my bike. I grew up in rural northern Indiana. I could hop on my bike and ride to a childhood friend's home with no plans other to, you know, than just to enjoy the day.  

03:03 

Whatever that looked like, we would just lose track of time having fun. I have really sweet memories also of playing alone in our backyard. As a little girl, I had always elaborate pretend games, and I had no problem being alone with my imaginary friends. I'm sure I was talking to myself and I would lose track of time. I just so enjoyed myself playing. And I also have really sweet memories of not checking email, not checking my watch or my phone for the time. You know, not checking all the nutritional contents of something before I eat it. You know, fun can be removed from eating. Whenever we start noticing that things we put in our bodies don't make us feel that great. And we think, gosh, even enjoying food isn't fun anymore. But I think it's, you know, it's easy to think about those memories from my childhood when I didn't think about what I ate, when I wasn't worried about the time.  

03:57 

I wasn't worried about checking email. But I believe I can still have loads of fun now, and even if I do have to avoid too many inflammatory ingredients in my food, but I believe I can have loads of fun now, even if I have a lot of stress in my life. And I believe the same is true for you. So hopefully during this little intro to today's episode, I haven't lost you already because this is actually hilarious to me. But one of my least listened to podcast episodes is called Finding Guilt-Free Fun as a Hardworking Christian Woman. Y'all don't have interest in this topic, but here I am talking about it again. So I may have lost you already, if you're not interested in finding guilt-free fun as a hardworking Christian woman. But I wanna talk about fun being an antidote to the chronic stress that high achieving women experience.  

04:49 

And I wanna get curious about this. Okay? I'm not saying you have to love this topic, but I want to invite you into a little bit of coaching around fun and chronic stress, just for you to get a sense of where you are today. So on a scale of one to 10, 10 being very high, one being not at all, how likely do you believe it is that you could have fun today? Again, on a scale of one to 10, 10 being very high and one being not at all, how likely do you believe it is that you could have fun today? So whatever your answer is, whatever number that is, whether it's a, you know, a one or an eight, or a four or a three, don't judge the rating you gave yourself. Just admit the honest to God number to yourself, okay? No one's gonna know it, just admit it to yourself.  

05:43 

Be honest here. This exercise won't work if you won't admit it to yourself. Okay? So if your rating is let's say a seven or lower, what would it take to increase that rating to maybe an eight or even a nine? How likely would it be that you could have fun today? What would it take to increase that rating by one or two? So maybe if you rated yourself a two, what would it take to increase your belief in the capacity to have fun today, to increase that two to a three or a four? So when I've gone through this exercise with clients, I'm gonna tell you of course, without, you know, revealing their names, I'll confidentially share with you some of the things they've told me that would cause them to rate their belief they could have fun today higher. And here's what it would be.  

06:35 

They would be more likely to think they could have fun today if they had more time, if they didn't have young children who need a babysitter, if they weren't in a busy season at work, up against a deadline, and if they had gotten more sleep last night, okay? You can probably relate to all of those. I've been able to come up with those answers or reasons myself over the years. But I want you to notice the issue here. These reasons needing more time. You know, having young kids in a busy season at work didn't get enough sleep. These reasons, and any other reasons that you or I may give might not be changeable circumstances. So the issue with this is we use them against ourselves. Did you hear that? We will use our reasons against ourselves almost as like a negative permission slip that, nope, I can't do that right now.  

07:30 

So we'll say things like, I'll have fun later. Right now, this is just a head down, get focused season. They need me after fill in the blank happens, then I will fill in the blank to have fun. Now, if you're hearing this and your skin's crawling a bit and it connects with you, just receive the feedback. Okay? I don't know who this connects with. I'm not trying to judge you. Let me go first by saying I have done this to myself so many times. That's why I'm able to give this example. Okay? I have said to myself multiple times in my life, after you know, something happens, then I will be able to do X, Y, Z to have fun. The problem here is this type of kind of black or white limited thinking leaves no room for gray. And you're not gonna be able to have fun in your life, darling, if you can't make space for gray, okay?  

08:24 

Living in the gray when it comes to fun, at least means allowing yourself to not try to make it perfect. And here's what I mean. It's true that you, well, I can't say it's true, but it might be that you are thinking a 10 day all-inclusive vacation is exactly what I need right now, but because that's not in the cards, I don't have time to carve out a much simpler opportunity to unplug. You see, you hold the key to unlock the element of fun in your life. That is an all or nothing thought. That cognitive distortion of, if I can't have a 10 day all-inclusive vacation, then I'm not going to take any time off. I'm not going to allow myself to unplug at all. So if fun, the element of fun has been missing in your life for a while, don't expect the seeds that you plant.  

09:14 

You know, the attempts at having fun. Don't expect those to be ready for harvest immediately. Okay? Like I said, you hold the key to unlock the element of fun in your life, but it might not happen overnight. But you can plant those seeds and start sprinkling in some fun today. You see, over time, your identity of being an intense, consistently self-sacrificing woman, it can soften, your edges can soften, and you can shift towards being a woman who makes time to relax. Being a woman who makes time to unwind being a woman who cares for herself and inject some fun into her life. And here are some targeted coaching questions for you to consider as you think about what it might look like to find the antidote for chronic stress in your life by injecting some fun in, okay? So let me ask you these questions, and I want you to think about them really critically.  

10:09 

And when I say think critically, I don't mean be critical of yourself, okay? I'm just saying, I want you to really give yourself some time to recognize, oh, I hadn't thought of that. Maybe the Holy Spirit is giving me this awareness. Maybe this is something that is an opportunity for me to relax a bit, to enjoy my life. Now, even if that 10 day all-inclusive vacation never comes, okay, here are the questions. When was the last time you laughed until your stomach hurt? So a few months ago, I was in Kenya on an incredible trip with just beautiful friends, incredible women, and we were there providing some discipleship and leadership training in rural Kenya. And it happened to be a Friday, it was our last day together. And I was with our team that we had served together, and we had just a wonderful last few hours together.  

11:05 

I went to get on the plane in Nairobi, and I sat down and I kind of had that collective sigh. You know when a trip ends and you're just like, wow, we're shifting gears. The trip is ending. That was just amazing. And I noticed I got really present in my body and I noticed that my stomach felt really tight, and my first thought, honest to God was like, oh no, what if I, have I eaten something? Am I gonna be ill? And then I went, no, that feels like I just had an intense workout. And I realized as I sat there, I laughed out loud to myself on that airplane and went, oh my gosh, my stomach muscles hurt. Because the last few hours with my friends in Kenya, we laughed so hard. I laughed till I cried, and my stomach muscles were tight. Wow.  

11:51 

That was such a wonderful experience. And I had to admit myself, you know what, Dana, it'd been a bit since you'd laughed till your stomach hurt. So that's why I'm asking you that question. When was the last time you laughed until your stomach hurt that you just had so much fun, it impacted your entire body? Next question. Who, who in your life would benefit from you choosing to loosen up a little bit more? That's an important question because I think as women, we often struggle to have fun for ourselves. But maybe think about, would it benefit your direct reports at work? Would it benefit your loved ones? What about your neighbors? If you have kids, would it benefit your kids If you could loosen up a little bit more? Now, I'm not saying that's the reason to do it, but I want you to gain some other centered awareness around what you, injecting some fun into your life as an antidote to chronic stress.  

12:48 

What could that do for the people you influence? And here's another question. How would it feel to sit your phone down and to step away from your laptop for a while? How would that feel? You know, I asked a couple of my clients this before, and one of them said she would feel anxious. She was really struggling with a sense of inadequacy at work. And to set her phone down or to shut her laptop and walk away created a sense of anxiety in her because she felt that she needed to be ever present to make it appear that she was completely capable in her job. So that awareness that she gained by answering that question, honestly allowed us to coach on that sense of inadequacy she was experiencing so that she would be able to sit her phone down and shut that laptop because she recognized she was interested in ready in taking that approach.  

13:41 

So who else do you know? This is another coaching question. Who else do you know who could use a break, that you could invite to have some fun with you? Who else do you know that you could bring along on this journey of saying, Hey, let's try this together as an antidote to our chronic stress. We are high achieving women. Let's give this a go together. We're not gonna get it perfect, but let's try having some fun together. You see, personally, the seasons where I have refused to rest and have fun, those have led to an obvious decrease or like diminishment in my health. It's led to a decrease in my connection to God, and it's led to an overall decrease in my enjoyment of my life. You know the difference I'm sure you do, between waking up in the morning and dreading a day or waking up in the morning and looking for opportunities to enjoy life because we have not, you know, prevented ourselves from enjoying a little bit of fun here and there.  

14:41 

So friend, if you find yourself on a journey towards burnout, would you join me in sprinkling some seeds of fun into your life every day starting, starting today? Now, I know that you might be feeling a little bit overwhelmed at the thought of trying to have fun, and I get that there is no judgment for that. You might even feel that it's really not possible to have fun based upon what you're walking through right now. And if that's you, I just wanna invite you to email me. Email me at dana@danabycoaching.com and let me know. Let me know where you're at. I would love to pray for you and to encourage you on your journey because I believe you are completely worth living a life where you are able to have some fun as an antidote to chronic stress. You can still achieve things, you can still be close to God, you can still do your job and enjoy your life. Well, thank you so much for joining me for this week's episode. Take care of yourself and have a wonderful week. Could you become a strong, empowered woman? Absolutely. I think it's important for all of us to learn how to become empowered women, and that's why I've created a special 30 page free download to accompany all the things you're learning on my podcast. You'll get to take true purposeful action towards learning how to feel empowered as a woman after God's own heart. To get your free download, go to Dana by coaching.com/free.