Finding Guilt-Free Fun as a Hardworking Christian Woman
Listen to Finding Guilt-Free Fun as a Hardworking Christian Woman
00:04
Hey there and welcome. Are you a woman who is unapologetically ambitious, but you're also deeply focused on honoring God, loving your family well and pursuing meaningful work? Well, you've come to the right place. My name is Dana Byers and you and I are going to be fast friends. Let's get started.
00:29
Well, hello everyone. Welcome back to the podcast. This is Dana Byers. If we haven't met yet, and I am really excited about, we're gonna, what we're gonna talk about today because this is a topic that resonates with so many of you. I feel really sure of that. Especially those of you who are hardworking Christian women, you're high achievers, you love to work, you love a big goal. This is a question that came to me actually from one of my clients, and she sent me an email and said, Hey, I would love to hear you talk about how can we enjoy fun activities without feeling guilty. Okay, what a question. Right? I was so glad she asked that. It's something I can definitely relate to. So I'm showing up to talk about this today, not as an expert, but as someone who has spent a significant amount of time and thinking and connecting with other people to learn more about this.
01:25
You know, I think it's very common for us to feel that our worth or identity is tied to the productivity or the achievements of our life. But today I wanna share some insights on how you can embrace joy, have fun, enjoy leisure without the burden of guilt. So first we're gonna talk about the source of your guilt. Then we're gonna look at how you can redefine productivity and purpose in your life. And then I'm gonna wrap up this episode with four practical tips to help you overcome guilt so you can start having some dang fun. Okay? Now you can tell why I'm so eager to talk about this. I think some of you're gonna listen to this and realize, you know what? It doesn't have to be a big dramatic thing. I can start taking some steps right now to have the fun that I see other people having in their lives and not feel guilty for it.
02:20
That would be my prayer for you as we head into this conversation. So let's dive in. First, I want you to understand the source of your guilt. Ask yourself this coaching question, when did I stop having fun? And now, if you're specifically thinking about maybe some burnout at work or in a relationship, you could ask yourself, when did I stop enjoying my job? Or maybe this relationship that you're not having fun with. You see, often as Christian women, we carry around the notion that seriousness and constant work, those are our virtues. You know that anything outside of that, like taking time off or having some fun while we work, that might feel indulgent or selfish. You guys, if I could tell you how many times I hear a client say to me that she feels selfish about something, it's I, I couldn't actually, I couldn't even count it.
03:19
Okay? I would love to be able to tell you how many times it's a scary number. It's a lot. And the thing is, I've caught myself having those thoughts as well. So I don't have judgment for that. But I want you to know this is an epidemic in the church. If you follow Jesus and you love to work and you're a high achiever, you look at your day-to-day life, and you're asking yourself regularly, am I being selfish by doing this? Or am I being selfish? Even by thinking this thought? Okay, so I'm calling that out in you, but I'm also saying it's not something I want to normalize, but it's very common. Okay? I don't wanna normalize it, but it's very common for us to think those thoughts. So let's just get it out there and admit it if that's where you're at today, because it's important for us to recognize that the belief that we are indulgent or selfish or selfish, it doesn't really come from our faith.
04:09
It comes from a place of judgment. In fact, I think the Bible is rich with moments of celebration of rest and of joy. These are gifts from God. Jesus himself took time to rest and even to enjoy the company of other people. Think about the wedding at Cana, which is in John chapter two. Jesus not only attended the wedding and presumably enjoyed being with others in his community, but he also performed his first miracle turning water into wine there. So this highlights the importance of the celebration and joy that was happening in human life. But he also did a miracle there. He did a bit of his work, some of his calling, but it wasn't like it was separated out in buckets of his life. Like, okay, right now I'm doing miracles and then later I'm gonna go to the wedding and enjoy myself with other people.
04:57
No, his life was integrated in such a way that even though I personally don't believe work-life balance is biblical. It's not something I look to do. It's not something I encourage my clients to do. I encourage you to be all in at the place that God has called you to be. Which means some seasons you might be a little bit busier at work. In some seasons you're even more intentional and focused at home or your personal life. However, Jesus gives us the most beautiful example of integrating fun and the gifts that we have, the things we are called to do into our day-to-day life without a sense of hustle, without a sense of overwhelm, or without a sense of selfishness. Okay, so now let's shift a little bit and think about redefining productivity and purpose. If we can redefine what productivity means for you, that's gonna bring you a breakthrough, okay?
05:45
You see, productivity isn't just about crossing tasks off your to-do list. I don't know about you. I am a girl who loves to have her to-do list. I love to check those things off. You better believe me, after I I record this podcast, I will be checking it off somewhere and giving myself, you know, a gold star for it, because I love getting things done. But it's not just about getting those things done on our list, it's also about producing joy, productivity's about happiness. It's about our wellbeing in life. I am showing up to share with you today, not from a place of stress, from, but from a place of enjoyment. I am having fun. I'm excited about what I get to share with you, but that is because God has given me a shift in my understanding about productivity. And I'm not special. I'm not unique, okay?
06:34
I'm just saying if I can see productivity differently, as a woman who experienced burnout multiple times over the course of about 15 or 20 years, and I've broken free from that, any of y'all can, okay? Productivity has to be intentional. There's a time and a place for it. The problem for me to be really candid was I would get my wheels spinning. I would get my gears turning, and I would have so much fun and feel so great about getting things done that I just couldn't get off that train. So a big discovery that I had in my own recovery from burnout years ago was that I was stuck. I was stuck in a cycle of being productive for the sake of productivity. Part of that was I wanted to impress people. Another part of that was I felt really good about myself by getting things done.
07:23
It was a sick and twisted approach. There is no one in my life who deserves to be in that place of the person who I want to impress, frankly, except for Christ himself. And I was trying to win accolades. I wanted to hear, I was doing a great job. So my desire for that had to shift. I had to break that down and see productivity differently because it's no wonder I did that so long. I eventually began dreading my day-to-day life. I had lost my joy in my work because I had boiled it all down to a task list, and then I started developing some resentment. The more I worked on that task list, eventually I would go through a season where maybe I felt like people weren't recognizing or appreciating me. And that's a little bit vulnerable to admit, but I'm gonna be completely honest with you, I was addicted to that approval.
08:15
So when you get to the point where you're checking things off your list and people aren't patting you on the back for it, you kind of start thinking, why am I even here? Why am I even doing this work? And we realized as I did in my own case, I had created my own problem. I was the source of the issue. It became an even bigger problem, really, when my identity wasn't being the productive person. You know, I wanted to be be rewarded or celebrated for my work. And then what would happen was I started getting rewarded with, you know what I'm gonna say here? I started getting rewarded with more work, right? I'm sure you can relate to that. So many of my clients tell me that's what happens. And so I had to get off that treadmill. I had to recalibrate and adjust and really come to terms with admitting to God, God, I'm trying to please some people that I don't think you want me focused on pleasing God.
09:10
I want to please you. I want to honor you. I want to honor myself. I want to honor the place where I work. I want to honor my family, but I have to get out of this place where my productivity is feeding my ego. Instead, I want my productivity to be something where yes, I can do my job well, but I'm not focused on performance. Okay? You see, that was not life to the full. And if you're hearing me share that, and that's where you are today, that's okay. I just want you to admit that to yourself. I want you to admit it maybe to someone you trust or email me, email me at Dana, at Dana by coaching.com and tell me, Hey, I'm stuck on that treadmill of seeking others' approval. I'm stuck on that treadmill of patting myself on the back, feeling great about checking stuff off my list.
10:00
But I don't wanna do that anymore. I wanna get off that treadmill, still consider myself productive, but not be addicted to that feeling of getting things done. Because what happens is the more productive you become, you get to a place where there's a diminished return. Suddenly you're extremely productive and you have more time available. But for what the way you made more time become available in your life is by sucking the joy out of your day. I'm gonna say that again. The way you become extremely productive is to suck the joy out of your day, to suck the interactions with other people out of your day. And that could very well lead you to become a person who feels guilty for having fun. You see, I don't believe God calls us to be busy. Instead, he invites us to be fruitful, okay? To be fruitful.
10:50
And being fruitful isn't only about work. It's about nurturing your spirit, your relationship with him, listening to him, spending time with him. Being fruitful also involves nurturing your relationships and your fun and enjoyment come out of that in life. The relationships, your connection to God, and also doing work in a way that honors your health and allows you to use the gifts and strengths god's given you without burning out. So consider Ecclesiastes in chapter three, verses 12 to 13. It says, I know that there is nothing better for people than to be happy and to do good while they live. That each of them may eat and drink and find satisfaction in all their toil. This is the gift of God. So you see here in the Bible, we read that it clearly supports finding joy and satisfaction in life alongside our responsibilities. They don't have to be separated from each other.
11:46
There's a way to enjoy your work. You might be struggling to believe me, but think back. You used to enjoy your work at one point in time and then unintentionally, of course, you brought yourself to the point that you're at where it's difficult to have fun in life because it feels like you should be working all of the time. Now, I wanna talk about four practical steps, you or, or really tips. But there's steps that, or tips that you can take to focus on overcoming that guilt as you practice looking for opportunities to have fun, injecting fun back into your life and loosening that grip that you have on the need to be productive. So the first practical tip, number one, is to set intentional time for joy. I said earlier that productivity is intentional. You know, I sat down today at this certain time having already outlined this episode for you and decided right now I'm going to be intentionally productive, but I'm also gonna have some fun while I do it.
12:45
You know, this is not striving for me. This is not difficult. I don't have to speak perfectly. I can make some mistakes here. This is just a conversation. I also like to think though, about having intentional time for fun or joy, your fun and enjoyment. Schedule time for activities that you enjoy. View them as appointments. View them as appointments that you have with yourself, appointments with God. These are important for your wellbeing. So when it's kind of, you know, already pinned into your calendar, if you've already added it to your calendar, it becomes part of your routine. It's not an afterthought or a stolen moment that you feel guilty about having found a little bit of time in your schedule to go for a walk or to call a friend or to indulge in a book that you've been wanting to read. You're going to schedule that ahead of your time before it actually happens, and it gives you the opportunity to give yourself permission to practice having fun again.
13:41
Okay? The second practical tip is to think about your mindfulness and gratitude. I want you to practice being in the moment while you're enjoying these fun activities that you do. You know, instead of worrying about what you're not doing, instead, you can just experience gratitude for the moment that you're in this shift in mindset. Take some practice, I'm not gonna lie, but that can significantly reduce your feelings of guilt to practice being present, to sit in the moment and feel what it feels like to, I don't know, be on the paddle board or to be hanging out with your girlfriends over dinner. Really sit there and absorb it. It not only creates a sense of gratitude and mindfulness and presence, but it helps you connect with those people to almost like let it soak into your body, if you will. When I was thinking about how do I inject fun back into my life years ago when I burned out for the last time around 20 16, 20 17, I remember thinking that it felt to me visually like I, I was lacking something, that I needed a supplement.
14:49
I don't know if you've ever had blood work work, and I said, oh, you're anemic. You need to take more iron. Something like that. So I started thinking about how can I set intentional time for fun? And then when I'm receiving it, how can I absorb that into my body? Like a vitamin deficiency that I've had that I'm trying to supplement. Side note there, make sure that as you are practicing, being in the moment while you're having fun, enjoying these leisure activities, that you don't make it your job, okay? I have to say that because some of you and I love you all, but some of you are thinking, okay, I'm just gonna add this to my task list and I have to be become very productive at having fun. That's not what I'm saying. Okay, darling, all you need to do is find some fun things to do and be there present in the moment, instead of just thinking about getting all the things done on your task list.
15:41
Okay? These are baby steps. I want you to not expect the world of yourself to let yourself kind of dip your toes in the water and experience, you know, adjusting to the temperature of adding more fun to your life so that you don't create a sense of anxiety. You took a lot of time to squeeze that fun out of your life. So it's gonna take a little bit of time to bring it back in, but it's okay. You've got time to do this. It's one day at a time. Alright, so the next practical step, the tip to help you overcome guilt. The third one is community engagement. Sometimes doing fun activities with others can help alleviate the sense of guilt. You know, you might feel like, oh, if I'm indulging in a book, or Oh, if I'm, you know, sitting in a hot bath, that might increase the sense of guilt that you feel because you're doing it alone and no one else is doing it alongside.
16:33
So if you can do some fun activities with others in community, it could make not only a better sense of community, but it helps you share that fun. It's a shared experience. So whether it's a church group, your friends, your family, just those social interactions can reinforce the normalcy and the importance of being a little bit more laid back. The normalcy and importance of not living and dying by your to-do list. And in the fourth practical tip is spiritual reflection. Reflect on your feelings with God. You can do this in prayer. You can journal, you can ask him for peace and understanding. God loves to answer that prayer. Ask him for peace and understanding to enjoy the gifts that he has given you without guilt, because I don't believe it's God's best for us to enjoy what he's given us. When we feel guilty about it the whole time, we're kind of blocking the fun that he offers us, that he invites us to experience in our lives.
17:32
And remember, God desires our whole being to be in harmony. He loves to give us joy, he loves for us to experience joy. And the way we do that sometimes is by reflecting, talking to him about it, but also asking him to help us do it. He can help you on this journey to overcome guilt so that you're able to experience life to the full. So as we wrap up in this episode, I want you to remember that enjoying your pleasures in life is not just okay. I think it's necessary, and it's something that God gives us. He invites us to as a gift. So making sure that you bring enjoyment to your work and to the rest of your life. It's not only beneficial for your mental and emotional health, but it's also a way that I think you can honor God with all aspects of your life.
18:22
Imagine being a woman of Godly influence who shows other women around you that they are free to enjoy their lives. They are free to have fun without guilt. So the next time you plan a fun activity, remind yourself that you are living in the fullness of God's gifts and his creation. Well, thank you so much for tuning in today. May this training support you in embracing fun and enjoying life without guilt. Until next time, keep nurturing your spirit, keep nurturing that community and have some dang fun, girl. Okay, I'll see you on the next episode. Hey, Fran, thank you so much for joining me for today's episode. I love having these little chats with you once a week. If any of these episodes that you've listened to for me have benefited your life directly, it would mean the world to me if you would just take a moment, pop in, give me a five star review so that more people have access to what I'm sharing, and so you and I can spread the love. Thank you.
